


Ho Ho Holy Shit.

by Morpheel



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Animal Instincts, Basically they fuck, Candy Canes, Christmas, Cloaca, Creampie, Desperation, M/M, Marking, Mistletoe, Multiple Orgasms, Oral Fixation, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Rough Sex, Smut, Vibrators
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-11 23:22:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9040994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morpheel/pseuds/Morpheel
Summary: John and Jade have always gone big when it came to holidays, yet Davesprite has never seen the appeal. Can John change his mind with a little Christmas spirit, or will he be stuck with an orange feathery grinch?





	1. Holidays suck when you're stuck on a ship.

**Author's Note:**

> Decided to make a two parter fic for the holidays, just for funsies. If you like stories like this, then perhaps give me a commission? I'm saving up for Hormone Therapy, while going through college and work. Just looking for more fun ways to save up.  
> $2= 1k words.  
> $4= 2k words.  
> $6= 3k words  
> $8= 4k words  
> $10= 5k words.  
> Anything will help!

If there was one thing that became blaringly clear in the time that Davesprite spent aboard the golden ship, is that the Harley/Egberts go all fucking out whenever a holiday came near.

St. Patrick's day could be considered a joke at best, especially since no one had the ability to alchemize anything alcoholic. But no, that wasn't the worst part, not by a long shot. The color green practically infested the meteor, ontop of poorly cut out clovers and Jade dressing up as a leprechaun. The real icing on the cake though was when John decided to fill buckets of green paint and hang them over doorways. Dave swore had been rinsing the ugly color out of his feathers for weeks.

Easter was spent searching the entirety of the structure for the missing eggs that the consorts hid a little too well, only to find one the hard way almost two months later. The room that they were in had reeked of rotten egg for almost weeks, and not even the nakodiles would go near it.

Davesprite really didn't want to fucking talk about April Fools. He would never look at John the same way again. 

Of course lucky for him, Davesprite managed to forgive him just in time for his birthday, so he supposed that it wouldn't be too out of his way to give him a gift. Ironically, of course. Gushers, a Betty Crocker cake, and an actually decent gift of John's very own set of turntables. He still had the code laying around, and way too much fucking grist, so a little magic and wallah.

The Fourth of July consisted of a few failed attempts at making fireworks, before simply letting Jade's powers do all of the work in making an impressive display. There were flags EVERYWHERE, too. Dave had never really been a patriotic kind of guy, and it only struck him as a bit ironic that Jade wasn't even technically from America, but he let them have their fun. Besides, he REALLY fucking liked the cookies that they made. 

What was more his speed, however, was Halloween. Now this he could get behind. It was only an added bonus that John chose to be a mummy, subjecting himself to spinning rapidly in circles as Dave and Jade wound the toilet paper around him. The end result was equally hilarious as putting it together, and John was grinning as several consorts wanted to be mummies too. 

Of course while irony was calling to him, he decided he would actually put some thought into his costume. So after tearing apart one of his old shirts and suits, sowing it together, and spraying his hair and wings black? He was looking pretty fucking scary, especially considering he decided to throw on some random ass hipster plague doctor mask. Now THAT was terrifying. 

But that season passed too, leaving room for Thanksgiving. Despite how he wanted to find humor in the fact that he was part bird and eating another bird, he was too busy stuffing his face full to give a shit. He swore he was floating slower for days from how heavy the food settled in his stomach, and didn't even care letting John and Jade dress him up as a turkey. 

Of course, even with all of the other seasons that they celebrated, nothing else could prepare them for the tidal wave that was Christmas. Holy fucking shit, they took the term deck the halls way too seriously, because he couldn't float anywhere without it being dressed to the nines in reds and greens.

He wondered how much grist it had cost to do all of this, because he was already knocking his wing into wreaths and lights. "Mother FUCKER." he swore under his breath, before ducking down and quickly drifting his way to the main room that the three dubbed their living and recreational space. 

And lo and behold, there they were, dressed to the nines in these ridiculous outfits. Well then again Jade actually looked pretty nice in her red dress and white and green striped tights, although the pointed toes and bells were just a bit too much. She had this fluffy white and red coat on, causing Dave to ponder if she was literally dying in it. It wasn't like it was cold outside by any means- the temperature was always pretty mild in here. 

But John looked like something straight out of the movie Elf. Ridiculously tall, dressed in a tacky green suit, with pointed ears taped onto his head. He was putting presents under the tree as Jade let the consorts hand her decorations for the display. It was usually pretty weird stuff that they wanted to put on, like bones or cool colored rocks, but who were they to deny their requests? 

And the tree itself; holy fuck. It was as tall as the room, with a bright star resting right at the top. There were white lights twinkling all over it, and lines of popcorn that were strung up. Of course one glance at the bottom proved that the allure of the buttery treat was too great for the amphibians and reptiles to resist. And maybe a little bit for John, too. 

But christ, did they really need to make it that big?

"So are we going to be eating gruel for the rest of the trip because you exhausted our grist supplies, or did you magically pull this tree out of your ass?" he asked with a slightly amused tone in his voice, catching the attention of both the siblings. 

John was the first to turn around, that shit eating grin plastered on his face as his hands went to rest on his hips. "Well, in good news, we won't have to eat gruel considering how much food we alchemized for the occasion. In bad news, we're completely out of grist, and we didn't even THINK when we saw the numbers plummeting below a million to stop. Christmas does some weird things to you!" he mocked, his tone not even a bit serious as Dave just rolled his eyes behind his shades.

"Alright Harley, I'm counting on you to answer this seriously." He then turned his attention to her, the girl pushing John lightly with one hand as she covered her mouth to stifle her amused laughter. "No, Dave. We barely tapped into the supply, actually! We just made everything really really small, then I used my space powers to enlarge it! It's really not that complicated." 

Well, at least that mystery was solved. Dave could sleep well at night knowing they wouldn't have to go rouge and turn to cannibalism to not starve. "Alright, cool. Now care to explain why everything's gotta look like it was shot right out of Santas's asshole, because I'm thinking you've been going a bit overkill."

To emphasize his point, he was soon pulling various bits and pieces of the wreath and ribbons out from between his feathers in lazy motions. Letting it drop to the ground, he only stopped when he was sure there was an impressive pile by his tail, turning his head back to the dynamic duo. "Take note of the carnage of just one hallway. Unless you want me to be army crawling past the decorations you put up, I'd best figure out a better decorating method than spewing Christmas vomit all over the walls in hopes of achieving some semblance of style." 

A small bit of silence passed between them, before John was laughing outright at the impressive collection of stuff that Dave had managed to bump into. "Okay, but, maybe you're just a clutz is all?" he offered as a suggestion, only seeming more amused by the way that his friend flipped him the bird. "Nah, not that. I'm not you, last I checked. But seriously, you're both taking this way too far, even I'm starting to get scared by it."

Jade was soon swooping by his side with a graceful stepping motion, only to practically shove a candy cane down his throat when the sprite looked like he had more he wanted to complain about. "Sheesh, okay, we get it dude! You really don't like Christmas, or anything festive, I understand! Just don't try and kill our fun because you wanted to be a huge baby about it." 

Dave had recoiled the moment the sugary snack pressed against his lips, before sighing out loud as he shifted the cane between his tongue and teeth for a moment. Not bad, but he's never really been a fan. He pulled it out with a slow pop, before licking his lips free of the candy. "You'd be a fucking baby about it too if you had to treat a normal hallway like a holly jolly landmine with every step that you take." 

With another roll of their eyes, the twins went back to hanging decorations up, before John was using his powers to float up to the ceiling in order to place a few things up there as well. The most obvious thing being a cluster of mistletoe, innocently dangling under the couch by a rather long line of fishing wire.

One look had Davesprite holding his hands up in a defeated motion. "Nope. Count me the fuck out, not doing it." he said, turning tail in order to go back through an albeit less decorated hall. "Aw come on, don't be such a sour puss, Dave!" John called out to his friend, before chuckling under his breath when once again the sprite was flipping him the double bird. He was so touchy sometimes, it was hilarious. 

"Alright, well if you get hungry later, we have milk and cookies in the kitchen! Me and Jade will just have a great time without you!" He said with a slight hum in his tone, turning upside down as he floated towards the doorway in order to pin up a few snowflakes that they made. Most of them barely resembled the actual product, given that the consorts gave a helpful hand in making them, but it still looked pretty nice. 

"Yeah, no. I'll just kind of wait back in my room until things look less like a shitty mall Santa's corner, and more like a completely normal battleship." Best part was, he was completely serious in his statements, too. It was just a day, one day before everything would be taken down and he could stretch his wing again without hitting something or getting completely tangled with lights. 

John's lips turned down into a frown as he turned back over in the air, crossing his arms. "Wait, really? It's only the best time of the year, and you're just gonna float off and ignore it completely? Come on dude, even trolls celebrate some kinda Christmas! It's just a great time filled with presents, old movies, and all sorts of fun!" John tried to defend the holiday, even spinning in a circle and spreading his arms open for emphasis. 

But Dave wasn't impressed, merely shrugging his shoulders and continuing down the hall when John latched his attention onto him. "Yeah no, me and my Bro never celebrated it with anything beyond eggnog and red and green themed smuppets. It's not as big of a deal as people think." He said, before furrowing his eyebrows up as a cold breeze clung to his back as John followed promptly behind him. 

The other's tone was slightly annoyed as he said, "Well, that's all the more reason to celebrate it! Only with us, your friends! Come on man we had all sorts of movies planned and we were gonna frost gingerbread houses and-" He was cut off, Davesprite turning around and letting out a rather exasperated sigh. He even went so far as to pull his shades off of his face, staring up at John with his orange eyes.

"Okay, look. I know you're trying to make us all happy and feel better, but I don't celebrate Christmas. It's always been pointless to me and Bro, and I'm damn well going to keep it that way. I don't want to kill your vibes, so I'm just going to let you do your own thing for just this ONE holiday, okay? No hard bro feelings, but seriously, just this once lets try not to involve Davesprite alright?" He kept his tone even and calm, hoping that John wouldn't take his rejection the wrong way.

It's not like he wanted to hurt John's feelings, but sometimes he wished that John would stop being so...determined to involve him into things. He should be honored that John even gave a fuck for a mutant freak like him, but in the end sometimes the affections were just...overbearing. Of course just as he didn't want to happen, that happiness and concern in John's expression slowly melted away into resignation and sadness.

He stopped hovering forward, before taking a few paces back instead. "Oh...uh." he began, not really knowing how to get the words to form. "I guess I can understand that, pretty well. Sorry for bothering you then- me and Jade will bring some coco or eggnog to you later." He said, before finally turning away and absconding down the hall.

Now Davesprite felt kind of like shit, but at least he wouldn't have to deal with shitty christmas movies and even shittier carols and traditions. He missed the simple times where Bro would just throw smuppets at him, or even leave him some cool ass gift that he had to win in a strife. He usually didn't win, but when he got the timetables, Bro took it easy on him for those. 

Before Dave even knew it, he was floating absently in front of his door, lost in thought. Had he really been on auto-pilot this entire time? He pushed open the metal contraption, before letting it swing shut as he all but collapsed into the nest of brightly colored fabrics and items. He hated the fact that he even built the thing, but the feathery asshole inside of his brain would scream at him until he did it.

He sighed a bit as he plucked a few stray feathers from his wings, looking them over for a moment, before dropping them along the base of his nest. "Fuck everything, man." he drawled out in the safety of his room, tucking himself in and letting his eyes slip shut. He really hated leaving John and Jade like that, all hanging and shit. Maybe he'd visit them later? When he wasn't so fucking tired, that was.

He finally began to drift off after a good few moments of silence, comforted by the distant scent of baking and food


	2. Wow, so close.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter's gonna be the smut, I promise.

When Davesprite finally clocked himself back into the waking world, the first thing that he noted was that exactly two hours, fifteen minutes, and 43 seconds had passed since he first left the main room's holiday hell. He felt awfully groggy and tired, but that could only be expected from the frequent bouts of insomnia that the sprite commonly suffered through.

With a coy stretch and arch of his back, Dave let out a mixture between a yawn and a caw, both sets of his vocal chords strained from the action. He didn't want to leave the warmth of his nest, but he did so anyways. May as well take John up on that cookie offer, before Harley decided to scarf them all down in one sitting.

So off he went, floating down the halls and glad to note that they aren't more decorated than the way that they were when he first floated down. Maybe they finally took his advice and cooled it down to at least a level 10?

Of course, while typically the halls were bustling with actives and music, it was oddly quiet after how loudly Jade and John were blasting Christmas music. Maybe it was time for them to tucker down with some movies and that coco that they mentioned. If they weren't shooting Christmas jizz every which way, maybe he'd even sit down and join them. 

He passed over a consort that was nibbling on a candy cane, the creature making a mess of itself and the hall from how much it was drooling in it's attempts. It wasn't pretty, but hey, oh well. He still had to duck and weave through the lights and decorations- until his wing caught on an ornament dangling on some lights. 

Down he fell, practically bringing half of the fucking lights with him as he thrashed and let out a few distressed caws beyond his control. He was flapping his one wing and trying to push them away, only to wind up more tangled in the lights. Finally he was left just floating there, his wings and body completely bonded to each other. 

"God FUCKING DAMNIT." he practically shouted, before narrowing his eyes forward and rushing towards the main room. "JOHN YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT THIS IS THE LAST STRAW, DUDE. WHEN I GET OUT OF THIS I SWEAR TO FUCK I'M GOING TO LODGE THESE LIGHTS SO FAR UP YOUR ASSHOLE YOU'RE GOING TO-" he cut himself off when he finally entered the main room.

John had this bewildered expression on his face, holding a steaming cup of coco in his hands as...Jade was nowhere in sight? 

"Uh...what?" the surprised boy asked, placing the cup of coco down onto the table when he noticed the situation Davesprite was in. One look around the room and everything was dead quiet, save for a Christmas movie paused on the screen. In fact, when Davesprite looked a bit closer, he couldn't help but notice the smeared wetness under John's red and puffy eyes. 

For a moment he didn't really know what to do with this information, yet John was beating him to the punch. He aggressively wiped at his eyes, before standing up and moving over towards his best sprite friend. "Dude, you look like something out of a shitty Christmas bondage episode. What happened?" he inquired as he looked for the base of the lights, tucking it under and beginning the long process of uncurling and untangling all of the decorations. 

Davesprite had a lot he wanted to say, none of it really nice, so it took him a moment to sort out a much more appropriate response. "Oh, you know, just went looking for my friends to maybe watch a movie with and soon entered fort knox and fought a valiant battle against the oppressive reins of this shitty holiday." He grunted, before finally being able to stretch out his sore wing again when John moved the lights aside.

At least it earned a small smile from John, who had ditched the ears and hat in favor of letting his windswept wild hair free. He managed to get the last of it off, before tossing it casually into a big pile on the ground. "Well, without me who knows the casualties you could have suffered. I think I deserve a thank you." he boasted, before Dave was rolling his eyes. "Nah, if you caused the mess in the first place, you get no thanks from me."

John's expression scrunched up, before he rolled his eyes and went back to sit on the couch. He didn't pick back up the coco though, the thought of it being way too bittersweet to him. "Well, alright then I guess, even though it's your stupid wings that got you tangled. Now if you're just going to continue being a grouch you can go back to your room." His voice was distant and sharp, a complete 360 to the typical attitude that he had. 

It screamed that something was wrong. So Dave glanced from the hallway back to John, before asking one of the many questions on his mind. "Where did Harley go?"

The response was immediate. "She fell asleep and I didn't have the heart to wake her up. So I brought her to bed."

Well that explained a lot. John was sitting here alone with a paused movie because Jade wound up going through another fit of narcolepsy and promptly passed the fuck out on him. That had to suck, especially since John...was sitting here...all....alone. 

It all hit Davesprite at once. John only had Jade to celebrate the holidays with him, and now that she was asleep? John was literally sitting here completely alone during the time of the year that meant so much to him. 

Now Dave felt like a total fucking asshole, holy shit. John just wanted someone to spend the season with, and here he was pushing his best friend away because he wanted to uphold some pathetic tradition of ignoring Christmas's existence in memory of his dead abusive brother. Wow, he felt like the scum of the earth right now. 

He was soon floating over to John, collapsing back onto the couch with him and curling his wing comfortably against the back of it. His presence caught John's attention, the boy tilting his head over to him and giving him a quizzical look. "Uh, dude, something you need?" He asked, before the sprite just shrugged in response.

"I guess if Jade's asleep, and there's nobody to drink her coco, I can offer myself as tribute in her place. It's a valiant sacrifice, I know, I like to consider myself a pretty generous guy." he said, before being cut off with a loud "oof" as John practically crushed him into a hug. The guy was all lanky limbs and awkward angles, but it still made the hug...admittedly nice. John was a warm hugger, and Dave was soon finding himself resting comfortably against his side.

Yet after a moment, he was playfully pushing his head back, a small smirk on his lips. "Dude, chill with the cuddles, you're being all kinds of fucking gay right now. " He said, before John was smiling sheepishly and pulling back in favor of rubbing the back of his neck. "Oh come on, are you really gonna no homo a hug on Christmas, Dave?" he asked, before laughing when the other had his amused grin on his lips.

John was reaching for the remote a moment later, before settling back and looking much more cheery as he pressed play on the movie Elf. Ironic as fuck, considering he was still wearing that stupid Christmas outfit. He only made it a few moments before all of the other noise in his head was getting in the way. He wanted to ask him more questions, but would it be considered rude and insensitive or some shit?

"So, dude," he began, catching the attention of the bucked toothed wonder. (That was a lie, his teeth were starting to straighten out as he got older. He looked less nerdy and more like a dork.) "I don't want to launch myself into awkward or sensitive territory here, but can I ask why you were crying? Like I know Harley fell asleep and all, but I seriously don't think I've seen you cry once." he said, not really knowing how to breach the topic. 

Of course it seemed that John was hesitant to respond, before finally letting out a small sigh as he looked down at his coco rather than at his friend. "Well, I guess it just sucked, was all. It was the first Christmas since this awful game started, and I was really excited to spend it with everyone. But you went off all angry, and Jade fell asleep, and suddenly I was completely alone. I haven't ever been alone on Christmas- I've always had my dad." 

That last bit spoke volumes to why John was actually upset. His dad was gone, his Bro was dead, and in the end they all were just lonely. Now he felt like a complete fucking dick for leaving John and Jade on Christmas. Even if there was no point to keep Christmas traditions up, now that humanity was dead. 

"Shit, man, I-" He was cut off by John, the teen just shrugging his shoulders. "Hey, uh. It's okay. You didn't need to come out if you didn't like celebrating it. We all did our own thing for Christmas. I wouldn't even blame you if you wanted to just go back to bed or something. I'd probably go too." he said, clutching his cup just a bit tighter. 

"Hell to the no. You aren't ditching the Strider that easily. We're in it for the long haul, Egbert. Stuck like glue with me here, just the two of us, mono-e-mono." he drawled out, his wing spreading out in order to wrap around John's shoulders. It seemed he appreciated it too, if the way he leaned his head back into the soft down was any indication. 

He had this small smile on his lips as he turned back to face Dave, the crowsprite being momentarily stunned by just how BLUE his eyes were. It was like he was just punched across the face by an ocean, and he couldn't look away even when he was drowning in their depths. How did the baby faced, dweeby John Egbert turn into..THIS? They were only technically 15, and yet John's jaw had undeniable shape to it, his face dotted with only a bit of acne that gave him character.

And fuck, despite him being all awkward limbs and arms, he had an undeniable tone to him from swinging around hammers for the entirety of the game. He went from barely being able to wield a sledgehammer to being able to lift something twice his weight and swing it around like a bat. He didn't know when he started to change, but now that he noticed, he couldn't look away.

It seemed that while he was totally staring John down, the other was in much of the same position, his eyes slightly wider. The light from the T.V. was bouncing off of the both of them, highlighting their features. Davesprite had some undeniable muscle growing on him now, with the soft layer of feathers giving him a much fluffier appearance. John almost wanted to just reach out and pet him, but they were frozen in a stalemate.

The only thing that Dave did do, however, was slowly lift his shades up to rest in the top of his hairline, the two of them meeting eye to eye. 

John's cheeks were this rosy color as a shy smile was spreading across his lips, Davesprite barely being able to keep the glow off himself as he tried to hide down the amusement on his features. He was slightly puffed up, with nerves dancing along his spine and butterflies tingling in his stomach. 

It was then that he noticed that the mistletoe was tangling innocently down in front of them, almost teasing them to move closer. When John noticed his eyes dart up, he was soon glancing up as well, before flushing even darker. "Oh...I almost forgot about that, heh." he decided to note, before slowly the two of them were meeting eyes again.

John had this nervous, yet intrigued expression on his face as Davesprite shifted a bit closer, pressing their sides together. "Yeah, I forgot about it too." he helpfully tacked on, taking note of the way that John's gaze fell half lidded when his arm wrapped around his side. It felt nice, the shared warmth between them, before Davesprite was leaning in just a bit more. 

John seemed to have the same idea, because soon Davesprite was shivering at the feeling of warm breath ghosting along his lips before the other hesitated for a moment. "Uhm...Did you want to...?" John asked in a meek little tone, before holding his breath as Davesprite let out an inquisitive hum. 

"Hmm, let me think- yes." he said, before practically grinning as he closed the distance between the two. He definitely caught John by surprise with the action, before the stupid elf was laughing almost breathlessly into the kiss as he used his rough hands to cradle the back of Davesprite's neck. He couldn't help but shudder at the feeling of John's thumb tracing along the back of his feathers, a small breath leaving him as he rested his own hand on John's thigh. 

This was going a bit past just an innocent mistletoe kiss before John was pulling back, their lips sticking together for a moment. Davesprite felt that telltale heat settling in his gut, the both of them looking like deer in the headlights for a moment. It was Dave that broke the silence first, "I sure as fuck hope you liked that half as much as I did, because I think I know what I want for Christmas." he said in a low tone, reveling in the way that John swallowed harshly at his words. 

John's hands felt so right resting on his hips when he threw his tail over his lap, coiling around John and resting his hands onto his shoulders. His feathers were puffed out in what was no doubt and impressive display, John momentarily stunned speechless at the sight of his best friend just perched so casually on his lap.

But like a champ, he was pushing his nerves down, his smile slightly amused as he tilted his head towards him. "Well, what is it that you want for Christmas, Dave?" John's tone was husky and low, squeezing his hips and reveling in the way that the sprite fit between him like that. 

"All I want for Christmas is yoooouuu-" John smiled, before his face turned as red as a tomato with Dave's next words, "to pound me until I can't even walk." 

Oh yes, this was gearing up to be the best fucking Christmas EVER. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being a tease, I ran out of time and I'll be finishing it tonight.


	3. Finally they bang.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly what the title says. They fuck in this chapter. Happy holidays!

"All I want for Christmas is yoooouuu-" John smiled, before his face turned as red as a tomato with Dave's next words, "to pound me until I can't even walk." 

God, that statement literally went straight to his dick. John was already at half mast by the time that Davesprite had crawled between his legs, pressing forward and pushing their chests together. It was kinda ticklish actually, with the way the feathers were all fluffed up and sticking out at all angles like the way they were. 

All John could do was hold Dave closer, the sprite looming over him, framed by the glow of the T.V. Like this he was almost angelic, from the way his cheeks were glowing to his intense eyes and spread wings. As embarrassing as it was to admit, the only thing that was on his mind was how gorgeous his best friend was.

"So, you gonna keep staring like that, or really give me something to be jolly over?" he asked, dripping with confidence while John was forced to play catch up. He frowned, before glancing to the side as humiliation burned his cheeks. "Dude, shut up. I've never really done this before is all. And obviously you haven't either!"

Of course he really got Davesprite to shut up when he buried his fingers into the down of his feathers, scratching at the skin there and reveling in the deep throated groan that left him. 

He hadn't really expected him to react like that, but it was a pleasant surprise nonetheless. John kept up the motions, alternating between petting and scratching through the other's soft feathers. Occasionally he would pull a good handful of orange out, scattering them out over the couch with each motion. 

It was almost empowering, watching the way that his friend squirmed, trying to keep the noises from rising up past his throat. There was a mixture of muffled caws and desperate keens of pleasure, his tail occasionally twitching as he kept the petting up. Finally Dave was pushing John's hand away, scowling at that smug expression on John's face.

"Dude you're like a dog. You love being pet." John decided to note, before Dave was curling his wing in order to give Egbert a faceful of feathers. "Okay, no, I'm not Harley. It's just- it feels nice, alright? Bottom line. I don't know what bullshit crow thing that it's a part of but frankly I don't care to know." He was leaving no room for argument in his statement, before all but grinding down against John. 

Finally it was the other's turn to have to cover his mouth, the feeling of Dave's weight pressing against him having him all but throbbing in his pants. He bucked upwards when Dave stayed where he was, sighing out loud as his hands once again held Dave's hips steady. "Dave..." he muttered, before swallowing hard at the feeling of warm lips trailing down his neck. 

He wasn't really sure where Davesprite learned how to do all of this, but it felt good for John's first time. He kept rocking his hips in time with Dave's mouth now, enjoying the sensation of his teeth and tongue leaving a mark on him. He only had half of a mind to say something when it was already too late. "Fuuck...don't let Jade see!"

"Too late." 

He all but shot back when Dave pushed his hips forward at the same time as biting down, John seeing stars behind his eyelids at the raw sensation. He had to bite his tongue to keep from making an embarrassing noise. No doubt in his mind was he harder than fucking diamond, and the feeling of Dave rutting against him like that was driving him crazy.

He was content to just let Dave keep grinding, guiding his hips with a firm hold, until he felt something...weird. 

John's eyes slowly opened to Dave's flushed expression, the sprite's face such a gorgeous sight from the way it was scrunched up in pleasure. But finally it occurred to John. How was he feeling pleasure when there was no junk down there? 

His eyes traveled lower, over his completely bare chest, to the slight undertone of abs on his body, and finally to-

"Holy shit." he exclaimed, his voice high in a mixture of arousal and shock. Because while he couldn't really see much, he could see a small slit in his feathers, the folds swollen with arousal and glistening with a fluorescent orange slick. It seemed that Dave didn't really get the memo from the way that he was still moving, smearing wetness all across the bulge in John's pants. 

His elf suit was definitely ruined, but John couldn't really force himself to care right now. 

Before Davesprite could question what had caught his curiosity, he was moving a hand down in order to spread the slit apart, catching his lover by surprise. "Dude what the fu-uuaaaahhh god." Dave's complaint quickly turned into a garbled moan when John's fingers traced the lips of his..pussy? Hole? He had no clue what to call it, but it was so painfully arousing how wet Davesprite was getting from such a simple touch. 

"Dave, what is this?" John asked with a quizzical stare, keeping the motions of his fingers up as Dave could barely think of a coherent response. He was rutting and grinding against his fingers instead, the softest little peeps leaving him as the stimulation drove him crazy. Of course with a bleary and sexed up expression, Dave was clutching the couch so hard it nearly tore. 

"I...fuck if I know, man. I just had it one day and it- ohgoditfeelssogood." he choked out, his back snapping back when John braved pushing one finger forward into the wet heat. It felt exactly like how John imagined a vagina would feel, which only made his cock all the more confused. Dave was definitely a guy, so why did this happen? 

"Well, it looks an awful lot like a-" He was cut off, Dave slapping a hand over his mouth as his hips rolled in circles against the finger. "Don't even say it, dude. Don't even throw that shit in my direction."

He removed his hand only to have John's smile spreading from ear to ear, clearly up to some mischief. He didn't even have time to wonder before he was practically screaming from a second finger being stuffed inside of him, his walls burning so fucking good at the feeling. His wings spread on their own accord, before he was holding John's wrist in place in order to wildly hump down against them.

"Maybe the crow was female? And now you're stuck with female bird junk?" John oh so helpfully provided while Dave was trying to get his rocks off, the crowsprite only cracking one unamused eye. "John, shut the fuck up." he said firmly, leaving no room for argument, "And just keep doing that before I decide to shove my fist down your throat."

Despite how threatening he was trying to be, it clearly was having no effect. Didn't help that his voice was stuck in a high and breathless pitch. 

He was just about to get somewhere when suddenly John was pulling his fingers back, causing an almost anguished cry to leave Davesprite as he stared down at John's hand. The dripping orange was trailing down his fingers, the opening to his cloaca swollen and parted open from John. What was even worse was that Egderp just kept fucking STARING.

"John this isn't a fucking show, stop staring at it or I'll have to-" 

"Can I eat you out?"

...

Houston, Davesprite Strider has left the station. 

His mouth was practically wide open from that hopeful and shy look in John's eyes, the other seeming to second guess himself for a moment on if what he said was way too forward. Of course how much forward could you get than having two of your fingers lodged deep inside of your best friend's mangina? The answer is not much. 

"Wait, what?" Dave asked, as if he heard wrong. "Did I hear you right because I think you just said you wanted to put your mouth on my weird alien junk. John, did you want to put your mouth on my weird bird vagina?" he said, before John was crinkling up his nose and snorting loudly at the way he worded it. "Ugh, when you say it like that it makes me want to reject, but.." he was quiet for a moment, before his lips were curling up into a content smile. "But okay, yeah. I wanna put my mouth ALL OVER it." 

Now it was Dave's turn to cringe, slightly curling back and covering his entrance with his fingertips. And no, he only grinded a little bit from the sensation, totally keeping his dignity here. "Okay change of plans, you aren't coming anywhere near this, because that was by far the most abhorrent shit I've ever had to listen to. And I had to listen to you looping jingle bells for a consecutive hour." 

Of course it was kind of awkward, seeing the way that John's expression fell into this small pout. Did not getting to eat him out really make him look like a toddler denied a toy? "But- come on dude! I bet it would feel really good is all. Just let me try it, how bad could it actually be?" he inquired, before moving his hands up to cradle Davesprite's cheek in his hand. 

"Just let me make you feel good." he said softly, his tone oh so inviting to the other. He had to admit, maybe a warm tongue would go well with his junk? Only one way to find out, so Davesprite was sighing as he floated off of John's lap in order to lower himself down the side of the couch. He shifted so his wing wouldn't get cramped, and glanced away as his talons went down to carefully part his lips.

He knew John was watching him, anyways, and the thought send a small tremor of excitement down his spine. "Alright, go ahead I guess. But don't say I didn't warn you if it like dissolves your tongue or tastes bad or something." Just a little precaution, considering how fucking insecure he was about his body. Seriously, he didn't think he could have gotten more fucked up than this.

But John wasn't even concerned in the slightest bit, if the way his eyes were locked onto Dave's junk was any hint towards that. He seemed to debate something for a moment, before slowly easing down Davesprite's body. It was kind of hard for the other to find a comfortable perch on the couch, but after a bit of twisting his awkward limbs around, he was holding onto Dave's hips as the sprite was slightly gyrating himself forward needily.

It was clear to see the desperation in his eyes, the tense posture showing just how wound up his best friend was. He'd need to be careful if he didn't want him to cum yet! So he started out slow, swallowing down his nerves in favor of sticking his tongue out and seeing what happened.

He was worried that Dave would taste weird or unappealing; so it was a relief to know that he actually liked that bittersweet taste of his slick on his tongue. It was slightly tangy, too, and John was soon dipping down for another taste. That and it was cute the way he would bite at his lower lip and twitch with each pass of his tongue, small sighs being the only thing he would let past his defenses. 

Seriously, it was just too precious! It's like it would kill him to make any sound past a peep! Which only made it all the more satisfying when he was able to drag his tongue over a small little nub on the top of his opening, making the teen jerk up and let out a full on squawk from the feeling. It almost made John pull away he was so surprised- if not for the clawed hand wrapping around his head and pushing his head down. 

He wasn't left any room to argue and complain. In fact, he was only left with the room to do one single thing. And that thing was to keep pleasuring Davesprite, just like he wanted him to. There was something so hot about having to keep his tongue out as Dave humped against it, flexing his abs and almost shamelessly moaning out at the feeling.

"I don't know what the fuck you're hitting there, but don't stop. Oh my fucking god please don't stop." His voice was garbled and high pitched, his head tossing to the side as John put even more pressure onto that little nub. He was leaking like a fucking faucet, his tail and the couch below him staining orange.

And one glance down to John proved that he was in much of the same condition. His jaw was translucent orange, with his tongue slightly tainted that color as well. Why that was hot to the sprite? He'd never know, but soon he was pushing John's head back down and shuttering as he was nearing his orgasm. Just a little bit more- so fucking close!

Before suddenly John was gone in a breeze, the spit from his tongue rapidly cooling on his cunt without him there to finish him off. He let out a shrill caw at the surprise, before all but yelling when he realized that John used his fucking windy thing to become the breeze. Did that mean he breathed him in? Ew.

"Egbert, you get the fuck back here before I-" his body was clamping painfully from the sudden 360, his tail shaking as he had an influx of slick that needed to escape from orgasm. So he did the first thing he could think of- and rapidly slid a finger down to rub against that bud that John was paying rapt attention to earlier. 

He was practically crying from how good it felt, having to arch his claw away from his sensitive skin as he pleasured himself back towards the edge. John still wasn't around, and if he was going to leave the sprite to this, then he'd damn well do it himself. "Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck!" he chattered under his breath, his hips slowly lifting as he got closer and closer...before all but screaming when something smooth and round was slipping into his opening. 

He came without warning in the next moment, a rush of orange trickling out of him as his body clenched on the foreign object inside of him. It gave no room when he clenched, and had his head pleasantly buzzing when he started to come down from his orgasm. Or wait. Was it his head buzzing, or the fact that the thing was just turned to life and vibrating painfully good against his walls.

It burned a bit, but in the damn best way from the fact his body was just wracked with orgasm. "Fuck-" he choked out, his claws digging into the couch as he finally opened his eyes to the sight of John standing above him. He had that stupid grin on his face again, but before he could open his mouth to complain, the buzzing only got stronger inside of him.

He couldn't help it this time. Caws began to slip past his lips, his body bucking upwards. As if that would actually get him anything, besides John's dumb fucking smile. "Wow, I knew that it could feel good, but I didn't expect that quick of a response from you! I really wound you up good huh?" he asked, a small remote held tight in his hands.

Now if Davesprite had half of a brain, it was pretty obvious that whatever was inside of him was being controlled by that remote. Which explained why John was smiling so much. He had full control over the levels that the vibrator could reach, and Dave was literally at his mercy. As it was right now, it was just a dull buzz inside of him, but John looked like he wanted to test the levels. 

He turned it up, only for Dave's desperate garbles to rise in pitch again. The vocals weren't even close to human, a strange unsexy mix of crow and crying. He was overstimulated to all fuck, but John just kept cranking it up stronger and stronger. That is, until John finally decided that perhaps this would be better if Davesprite WASN'T allowed to make noise. 

So he glanced to the wall where a candy cane was hung up, and pulled it down. With a few awkward motions of his teeth, he was unpeeling the wrapper, and finally shoving the thing right into Davesprite's mouth. "Sheesh, dude, you're loud! I'm kind of wondering if you could even wake up Harley with how loud you do that caw thing!" 

Of course, words were slowly lost to John as he watched Dave, his eyes widening at the display that the crow decided to put on. He was panting around the sweet treat, lathing his tongue over it in eager strokes as his hooded gaze fell right onto John's. He would swirl his tongue around the base of the cane, before steadily sucking it down between those plump lips. A lot of the sweetness was smearing over his lips, the red especially prominent. It was...probably one of the most arousing things John's ever seen.

In response to that shameless candy fellatio, John cranked up the vibrator inside of him, letting it buzz to life as the desperate keen Davesprite let out when straight to his dick. "Fuuuck, why are you so sexy?" he asked, having to swallow down a knot in this throat as his clouded blue eyes slowly trailed up Dave's body.

While his mouth was doing wonders to the candy cane, it seemed his body didn't know what to do, caught between trying to hump down hard on the vibrator or work the treat down his throat. Finally Davesprite couldn't handle it anymore, the poor thing snapping his back into an arch as he choked on the candy. He was cumming again, albeit with less of a mess.

When Davesprite finally opened his eyes again, he almost chirped at the sight of John's cock weighing heavy in his hand. It looks like he finally made John lose his cool, especially with that desperate expression on his face. He was staring down at Davesprite like he was some kind of god, his hand stroking over his cock while the exhausted sprite was given a break from the vibrator. 

He was watching John's thumb smear the pre over the shaft, the tip of it angry and red. How long has John just been sitting there, hard in his pants? Probably too long, so Davesprite decided he would return the earlier favor with earnest. Besides, he's always been curious about sucking dick anyways.

He moved his hand over to wrap around John's shaft, all but swatting him away as his best friend seemed surprised at the action. "Alright alright, let me move closer for you at least!" he said, taking that step forward to Dave and all but groaning at the feeling of his slick tongue trailing over the tip. He was bright red as Dave smacked his lips, judging the taste, before pulling his lower lip hard into his mouth.

"Fuck that's hot." Dave commented, stroking the base with lazy motions of his hand. He was so fucking mindful of his talons, as well as the strange texture of his scales. Or at least that's what he assumed they were? Plating? Fuck if he knew, he just could tell John liked it. "Nah, I'll just grab your cock and pull you closer by it. No issue there, huh." he muttered, before leaning upwards with a tilt of his head. 

He started by just wrapping his lips around the head, his tongue flattening along the underside as he slowly began to slide up the shaft. His first observation was that woah, okay, John was bigger than he thought. He wasn't particularly thick, but the length was what was proving to be a challenge for him. He was hesitant to move him to the back of his throat...but it seemed John didn't have those reservations that he did. 

He cawed in shock when he felt John attempting to buck down his throat...before pausing when he realized that it didn't hurt. He totally jabbed the back of his throat with his man meat, and he just took it in stride. So he kept the ball rolling, sliding his mouth further down without meeting any resistance. It just sort of felt weird, but nothing like the gagging and choking that he expected. 

It seemed that John was REALLY fucking appreciating it too, if the way he was biting on his hand was an indication. His other went to rest on the back of Dave's head, his hips moving in shallow thrusts. "How are you..?" he asked, before Dave was shrugging his shoulders in response. Not like he could talk with a mouthful of cock, or whatever. 

He realized, though, that the tables were finally completely turned. John was at his mercy, and the thought of it sent a wave of pride crashing through him. Dave decided he would put this good use. 

He swallowed sloppily around the cock in his throat, smirking at the way that John all but shuttered from the raw feeling. He had to admit, it was a bit messy. He was drooling all over himself as John took up all of the room inside of his mouth, his lips tucked under his teeth so he could keep his head moving at a good pace. 

Of course he was watching John's expressions and body language closely, making sure that his theory was right. John had to be getting close, if the twitching of his hips was any indication. It was like he wanted to thrust forward and bury himself deep down Dave's throat. He almost counted it in his head, the moments between his thrusts decreasing as his ragged breath picked back up. 

Just a little bit more...and Dave was ripping himself off of John' cock and squeezing the base hard to prevent the other from cumming. The sound that left John was almost poetic, the frustrated groan and pathetic cry leaving him when he was denied the sprite's mouth. "Wha- no! I was so fucking close, what are you doing!?" he yelled, glaring down at Dave's smug face. 

He knew just how to wipe that stupid smug coolkid expression off of his dumb face. 

"Oh, what? Does it suck when someone else does it to you, John? Doesn't let you cum?" he asked, his tone teasing as he kept pinching at the head and base. Oh god this felt so empowering, having John at his mercy like this. "Maybe if you ask me real nicely I'll- AWH!" 

His vision almost went white when the egg inside of him started back up. Only instead of the light and steady vibrations he was used to, it felt like his entire body was in bliss. The egg was vibrating so hard inside of him he couldn't even think, his lips parting open into a desperate cry at the feeling. He felt tears prickling his eyes, only to roll down his cheeks when the over stimulation was paired with John thrusting down his throat again. 

He was crying, not knowing whether to beg for more or tap out. His entire body was convulsing like he was electrocuted, drool sliding down his chin as his eyes were practically rolled to the back of his head. He was cumming, oh god, he was cumming harder than he ever has in his entire pathetic fucking life. All he could do was clamp down on that egg, let John run his course. 

His mind was still foggy from his orgasm when he finally felt John finish inside of his throat, the sticky strands causing him to cough uncomfortably before swallowing around his twitching cock. He could still feel it clinging to him, but at least John looked satisfied when he finally pulled his dick out of his mouth. Dave was absolutely boneless and trembling, his mouth a complete mess as he wheezed for the breath that he lost. 

"H-Haah...Egbert." he moaned, the egg still so strong inside of him as he spread his lips open for John. His cheeks were streamed with tears, but the grin on his face showed that he loved it almost more than John did. He was rubbing the lips of his cloaca, the toy near painful now. "Please- oh god take it out. Fucking, take it out and fuck me instead." he said, his vocabulary severely stunted to the word fuck. 

John was still so hard and rearing to go, his refractory period almost non existent given that he was a 15 year old teenage guy going through puberty. Which made it really useful when you had your best sprite friend begging for your cock. He was stroking himself, almost overwhelmed with the look of lust that Dave was giving him. 

"You really want me?  Push the egg out yourself." he said, before he even realized what he was saying. When was he ever this kind of a dom? It was almost scary, seeing how sadistic he could be in bed when given the chance. But it seemed that Dave liked it, with the way his feathers fluffed out in surprise. He looked insecure and shy, prompting the question from John. "What, don't know how to do it? You're a bird, this should be second nature to you!" 

Davesprite definitely seemed even more shy from that, throwing his arm over his face as his hips canted from the attention. He muttered something that John couldn't hear, causing the human to spike the vibrations up to a higher level. The keen that left him was almost intoxicating, before he turned it back down. "Sorry, didn't quite hear you there. Speak up a bit?"

"I said it's fucking embarrassing, okay?!" he said, loud enough, despite the needy little chirp tacked on at the end. He was soaking in the attention like a sponge as John languidly stroked his cock in front of him, shy but excited. "Sounds like you need a bit of coaxing, huh? Come on Dave, only way you can get it out is if you push." John said, before moving his thumb forward in order to rub over the head of his clit. 

The reaction he got was almost instant, with Dave clenching down tight on the egg inside of him...before pushing down with all of his might. It seemed that the bird part of his brain was taking over, if the garbled chirps and peeps were any indication. John watched as the lips of his cloaca parted to expose the little silver egg, before Dave was letting out a tired sigh and relaxing. 

It slid back inside, much to John's displeasure. He sped up the motion of his thumb, his blue eyes staring intensely into Dave's. "Come on, dude, you can do better than that! You fought enemies in Sburb that would have anyone shitting their pants! And you're gonna let a little egg beat you?" he asked, edging him along as Dave's expression furrowed up into a mix of annoyance and concentration.

"Shut it, Egbert! It's harder than his looks, okay? Just, let me kind of." He muttered, grabbing John's fingers and instead resting them on the swollen lips of his cloaca. He grinded a bit, helping John to get the hint that he should rub. So he did, watching Davesprite's face closely as it was flushed a shade darker than the rest of his body.

"Oh fuck- awh. Ahw!" he muttered, tilting his head back as he finally was pushing down with all of his might. John's eyes widened as he felt the walls push against his fingers, before spreading Davesprite open as the egg finally fell out with a wet pop. The silver vibrator was still going on the couch, a wave of slick rushing out after it as the poor sprite was left bonelessly slouched on the couch.

"OhmyholyfuckwhywasthatsohotjesuschristI'msofuckedup." he keened all in one go, his cunt clamping painfully hard down onto nothing. He felt so empty it hurt...until suddenly he felt something warm and wet smearing between his lips. He opened his eyes in surprise, before looking at the sight of John hovering above him. It seemed that John found it as hot as he did, if the way he was rubbing between his cloaca was any indication. 

It took a moment, but Dave was finally reaching his hand up, gripping the back of John's shirt as he pulled the teen closer to him. "Well? Th-The fuck you waiting for?" he edged, before the duo were grinning at each other. John in amusement and Davesprite with a teasing little cant to his hips.

He let out a shuttering sigh as his cloaca slightly resisted, before feeling John's head pop right inside of him. He was so wet it was almost amusing how easy it was for their hips to meet, the entirety of John settling snug inside of him. It seemed that John needed a moment to compose himself, but Davesprite wasn't complaining. He already felt close to blowing from how overstimulated he's been since the start of this.

"John...fuck..." he whispered, almost digging his claws through his shirt when the other was finally moving inside of him. He felt woefully empty by the time that John pulled back all the way. That is, until he snapped his hips forward, filling him back up to the hilt. Dave literally fucking saw stars when he closed his eyes, his claws totaling the couch while thankfully holding himself back from using John's back as a birdy scratching post. 

Every thrust had pushed him closer to the edge of the couch, Dave having to hold his arms up behind his head in order to keep from John slamming him into the armrest. For a while all he could do was sit there and take it, overloaded from his previous orgasms and quickly spiraling towards a new one. He was sweating and overheating, the body heat from John making his blood boil hot. 

Of course it only got better when he gathered his senses enough to buck upwards with each thrust, John's cock brushing against a part of him that had him practically screaming. He felt like the world was blurring together, his focus on John being the only thing grounding him to reality. He eventually got so overwhelmed he had to wrap his arms around the other's neck, just holding on.

"John I'm so fucking close, holy shit, I can't. John I'm going to spill, like, now." he said, his second set of vocal chords adding in a desperate series of chirps alongside of his words. It was so fucking weird, hearing his voice doing two different things at once. 

Yet John was in the exact same boat as him, his breathing hard as sweat dripped down between them. While John may be hot, Dave was a fucking furnace, practically burning him from the searing contact. He was sinfully tight, taking John's breath away whenever he would clench and push their hips together with a desperation only rivaled by an out of control freight train.

"I can't last much longer either." he panted out, already having edged himself a bit from the time that he was stroking his cock. He hated to end this so soon, but Davesprite looked like he was about to implode from pleasure. He braced himself on the couch, pausing in his thrusts for a moment, much to Dave's distress.

Said sprite opened his eyes, barely focused past the overstimulated tears blurring his vision. "D-Dude, when someone says they're close, that doesn't mean stop." he hissed out, before arching upwards just at the same time as John began to ram into him. 

He was cumming before he could even open his mouth, his moan turning into a loud caw as the pleasure mixed with the overstimulation and crashed into him like a tidal wave. The best part was? John wasn't even stopping, pounding him so good that Dave was sure his whatever-the-fuck-you-wanna-call-it would be bruised for weeks. 

He was twisting and coiling as the orgasm kept being dragged out, the tears once again flowing free as he didn't even comprehend that the meaningless mouth garble he was hearing was actually coming from him. All he knew was that John was literally sending him to heaven from how good they were fucking. 

But finally John couldn't hold it in any longer, his last thrust tapering off as he grinded himself as deep as he could inside of the sprite. When he was nestled comfortably and Davesprite's walls were milking him dry, he finally was cumming, filling the other up deep. He didn't even know how long he was sitting there, breathing raggedly while the sated sprite cooed to him as he wiggled his hips. 

Well, at least he didn't look upset about getting jizz inside of him. 

John finally realized just how SORE his arms were in that moment, choosing to instead let himself collapse over ontop of Dave. Much to the sprite's displeasure, that was.

"Bro, you get done putting your baby batter inside of me just to collapse over and crush me? Rude as fuck, man." he said, albeit with a raspy voice. Both sets of his vocals were completely worn out, yet he didn't care right now. Not when he just got done with the honest to god best fuck of his life. He finally made note to remove his claws from the couch, knowing in the back of his mind that he'll have to worry about that eventually. 

"Yeah? I'm tired too, you know! And maybe I want some cuddles while I'm at it?" he said, before cringing at how fucking HOT it was. He pulled back, shrugging off the shirt to the elf costume. He'd probably just need to throw it away it was so covered in jizz and sweat. Of course he flushed a bit when he noticed Dave staring at him, before playfully pushing the sprite's head away.

"Stop staring at me, weirdo. I'm not much to look at." he said, before Davesprite was chuckling and winding his tail around his waist. "Uhuh, yeah, sure." he said, before suddenly something else was picking at the back of his mind. "Yo, by the way, where did you get that vibrating egg anyways?" 

John looked taken aback for a moment, before his cheeks flushed a dark red. Oh boy, this might be hard to explain. 

~Finally The Fucking End~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And a happy New Year, too!


End file.
